One Last Time

Photo courtesy of firehawk77

In the past few days, a number of chapters have closed in my life. Sunday I said a final goodbye to a boyfriend with whom I have had an on again/off again relationship with since I was 13 years old. I am now 30. That represents more than half of my life. Though I know that this is the right thing to do, and I have had extremely wonderful friends (thank you Shan) and family who have been supportive and encouraging, it was hard, nonetheless, closing that door.

Yesterday, I took my final drive from work to my old apartment. It was a familiar drive. It was nearly instinctive to leave work, turn left out of the drive and head south. It was an eerily familiar drive and I wondered if I might miss it at some point in the future. As I reached my destination, I dreaded the little bit of work I had left to do, but I was excited to finally be done with it. I packed up the rest of the cleaning supplies and garbage, rang my landlord’s doorbell, and relinquished the keys. I am neither sad nor happy about this. I am glad that it is finally over – the cleaning and packing bit anyway. Another door closed.

Today marks my boss’ final day. While I feel this transition will bring forth positive change, it is still a very sad occasion. I have been in this department for three years and nine months. I give credit for everything I have learned over the past nearly four years to my boss. She gave me the opportunity that I longed for after obtaining my BA in Accounting. She opened that door for me and, for that, I am ever so grateful. She has taught me so much about accounting, amongst other things. She believed in my when I didn’t believe in myself. She afforded me room to grow. She stood back and let it happen naturally. When I would get discouraged, she would encourage. She would say, “One day, you will have that ‘ah ha!’ moment and you’ll know.” And you know what? She was right. I am still having those “ah ha!” moments. Every time I have one of those “I get it!” moments, I will think of her. She was a good boss and I will miss her.

As the old adage goes, when one door closes, another shall open.

Won't you be my neighbor?

Photo courtesy of dannyO., aka dboy

Imagine that you have just moved into a new place that is totally awesome. You have a short, quaint drive to work (in comparison to haul you had to make previously). You live in a really quiet community. You have amenities that you have never had before. Everything is totally rockin'. And then, then, one day, you are unloading nearly the last car load of crap miscellaneous items and your downstairs neighbor stops you because she's been meaning to talk to you. Keep in mind you've only been in said new place a whole two weeks at this point. And, thus, conversation ensues:

Me: Hi.
Neighbor: Uh, hi. Uh, yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you.
(My Friend who is helping unload car passes pretending not to be paying attention.)
Me: Oh, really?
Neighbor: Um, yeah.
Me (waiting): Ok, sure.
Neighbor: I need to talk to you about the noise.
(My Friend walks by again with dagger look trying to keep quiet.)
Me (surprised): Oh, really? We’ve been noisy?
Neighbor: Well, Marge* at the front desk said I should talk to you. I am a nurse and I can hear you in the morning when you get up at 7:00.
Me: Do you hear the tv or anything like that?
Neighbor: And I hear you going up and down the stairs.
Me: Oh. I didn’t think I had been all that noisy. I’m hardly here. So what exactly is it that’s bothering you?
Neighbor: Well, I can hear the shower in the morning and I can’t sleep.
Me: Ok, well, I apologize. I will try to be quieter. What shift do you work?
Neighbor: I’m a nurse and my 80 year old mother lives with me too.
(My Friend passes with most irritated look on face.)
Me: Um, ok. Well, I’m really sorry if I’ve been disturbing you. I’ll try to keep the noise level down.

Where do I even begin to tell you how dumbstruck I am over this? She seemed to have a hard time approaching me to begin with. I am a sympathetic person and I, too, have a hard time with confrontation. I really tried to be open to what she was saying and understanding. Really. I did. I want to be a good neighbor. But come on. She went to the office because she can hear the shower running in the morning? Is that not an expected noise to hear in the morning when you live in a complex? Seriously? And, she doesn’t hear the tv? I mean, if anything, you can hear the tv. She also totally avoided my questions.

My Friend was completely annoyed by the whole thing. I almost busted up laughing at said Friend’s expressions as I talked to the neighbor lady. My Friend was way more upset than I. It helped make the situation more comical.

Honestly, I am a very accommodating person, but I see no way to keep the peace on this issue. I tried to discern what exactly she was expecting or wanting me to do, but I still don’t know what that is. I have wracked my brain over it for two whole days. I am a light-stepper (thanks mom for not allowing stomping or elephants in the house), I don’t like to slam doors or cupboards (again, thanks mom), I do occasionally drop the soap or shampoo in the shower, I don’t have yelling matches or screaming fits, so I don’t know how much noise I could possibly be making.

So there you have it. I’m already making the neighbors mad and I just moved in.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Life Changes for the Better

Photo courtesy of Daytime Night Owl

I've moved. Again. This time, I have moved for a multitude of reasons. I have moved to a different town. I have moved to a place that is somewhat familiar, but not. I have moved to a location that is quite a bit larger than what I am used to. There are more people, more houses, more traffic, more shopping, more things to do, etc. I am closer to work. I am closer to friends with whom I work. I am closer to family that I didn't know existed.

I am away from my familiar surroundings. I am away from the place where I grew up. I am away from my mother. I have distanced myself from relationships that were unhealthy. I am removed from the comfort of being a short distance from everything and everyone I know.

This was a bittersweet move. I left behind a relationship that has existed for nearly half of my life. I cried. I cried a lot. I second guessed myself. I worried. I made myself sick worrying. I haven't eaten much. I've lost weight. I've lost sleep. I'm exhausted.

I look forward to the adventure that lies ahead. I look forward to trying new things, meeting new people and exploring new places. I will, more easily, be able to advance my career and/or education. I look forward to spending time with the friends I've made, but have been too far away from. I look forward to making my new place my home. I invite the opportunity to spend more time with family that I have not known until recently. I look forward to new opportunities whatever they may be.

Everything Always Happens at Once

Photo courtesy of House of Sims

Doesn’t it seem that way? That everything always seems to happen at the same time. Well, maybe not everything, but several things take place at the same time that all need your attention, your strength, your time, your know-how, your courage, etc . And, as it feels like the life is being sucked right out of you because you are doling out everything you have, the calm sets in and things return to some sort of normalcy. You, then, forget about the struggle that was and move forward.

Currently, I’m in the life is being sucked right out of you right now. Last night, I slept a whole three hours and forty minutes. Seriously. (A little background – I LOVE MY SLEEP! I don’t like my sleep messed with and I like to get plenty of it.) To begin with, I had trouble falling asleep. The last time I checked the clock, it was midnight. I awoke promptly at 3:40 a.m. After laying there for 10-15 minutes wide awake, I thought I would try a change of scenery and take my chances on the couch. I went out to the couch, laid there for an hour, and decided I try to go back to bed. About 5:20 I decided it was hopeless. I planned to get up at 6:30 and, if I fell asleep for that last hour, getting up would really suck and would be worse than just not getting the sleep I had hoped for.

“So, what exactly was the cause of this sleepless night?” you ask. Honestly, it could be any number of things, or all of them combined. For one, I’m moving. Again. (I moved mid-January.) Two, relationship issues. Three, major changes at work. Four, my counselor is no longer employed by my workplace’s Employee Assistance Program (or at all, from what I gather) and I need to talk to her, not some stranger! Five, money is going to get a little tight after this move. Six, there is a good possibility of taking on some overtime in the summer. That’s a good thing (extra $), but it can be quite stressful too.

I am sure that there is something missing in that list, but I think that is enough to keep a person’s head spinning AND to keep them awake for a majority of the night. Don’t you? It is definitely a balancing act. Hopefully, some semblance of normalcy (whatever that is) will return to my life in short order. Otherwise, I may need to crawl under a rock and hide for a little while.

Blog Revival

Photo courtesy of Daytime Night Owl

After a long break, nearly three months to the day, I've decided to re-open this here blog. Due to personal circumstances, I felt it wise to shut the blog down for a while. I did delete all prior posts because, well, just because. I look at it like a fresh start. In fact, there are several fresh starts coming my way in the near future.

I hope that the few readers I have will come back to visit. Drop a line and let me know you're out there, ok? Check back often, add me to your reader or whatever it is you do because I'll have lots to write about in the near future.