I mentioned in my last post that many changes were coming in 2012. One of those changes being My Friend and I going our separate ways after a little over 2 1/2 years. I'm moving out. I signed a lease on an apartment of my own. I have the key in my hand. I am 100% moved. I'm scared, excited, nervous and tired. I'm so tired.
The break up has been fairly amicable. My Friend has been understanding and helpful. He says he wants me to be happy. I'm glad things have gone fairly smoothly. It's still hard and many tears have been shed. But I know in my heart that this is for the best. It's best for me. It's probably best for him too.
There are so many emotions to deal with all at the same time. All of the emotions that come with a break up. And there are some major emotions and fears that come with being on my own. The point of me moving 2 1/2 years ago was to be on my own and things happened and it didn't work out like I planned. I was prepared then. I had planned for it. I had mentally gotten myself ready. Now? I'm not sure.
What I am sure of, though, is that I need this. I am in my 30s and I have never really been alone. Living on my own, alone. It's going to take some work on my part to not allow myself to hibernate, holed up in my place by myself all the time. That is so bad for me and that is my worst fear. Sitting home, alone having a pity party for my lonely self. It can't happen.
I'm excited. Sort of. Not as excited as people expect me to be. They keep asking. I know they mean well, but I'm so tired of responding to that question. And what's the plan? When are you moving? Do you have this? Do you have that? What are you going to do about a bed? You can't sleep on the couch. Why, actually, yes I can. And I am. And I'm loving it.
So far, so good. I've been keeping fairly busy and I'm not even close to being settled and organized. I was able to finally organize my kitchen, but the rest is a mess. And it's likely to stay that way for a while. I'm ok with that. It's mine and I can be as messy as I want to be and I love it!
Cheers to moving forward! I'm celebrating my new-found freedom. Won't you join me?