I’m at a point in my life where things should be great. Things are great. I’ve met someone who is great. I have some great new friends and have been crazy busy doing new things with new people and life is great. Yet, I still struggle. I struggle to find balance. I struggle to find a way to stay connected with old friends. The ones who have helped me survive in the past and who I love dearly. I struggle to connect with family. I struggle with my great, new relationship. I struggle with work (many, many changes are afoot), and I struggle with the fact that I’m struggling. I should be happier than I have ever been. And, in some ways, I am. Yet there are many things that still linger.
I look around me and I don’t feel that I have the right to be so unhappy about things. Many of my loved ones and friends are struggling with life situations that are far worse than mine and I often don’t feel that it’s fair of me to also burden them with my issues. And because people are so busy with their own lives, they often aren’t able to offer the support I am looking for and I find that, even though I am surrounded by people, I am very alone.
I struggle with knowing whether or not my reactions to situations and my feelings are healthy. And how do I know that? A person’s feelings are their feelings. I often find myself trying to talk myself out of feeling the way I do. How is anyone supposed to have regard for my feelings when I never tell anyone what they are?
I’ve been struggling enough to put myself back into counseling. Unfortunately, the person I saw before is no longer in this area so I have had to see someone new. Very daunting. I have only met with her once, but she seemed like someone I could work with. I hope and pray for good results.