My birthday and The Snot Factory

My birthday was last week. Wednesday, February 3rd, I turned 31.

I don’t expect much from my birthday’s anymore. To go through the day and have someone acknowledge it is more than I could ask for. I received a number of emails and phone calls wishing me happy birthday and I love that. My Friend pulled together a nice birthday basket for me full of treats that I love.

My office peeps decorated my desk which is always hilarious.

Otherwise, my birthday was pretty tame because, well, I was sick. Very sick.

The Snot Factory decided to open shop on me. I visited one of my best girlfriends on Saturday. She thinks her son might have been the carrier of the little bug. Sunday, I felt very sluggish and really tired. Just not quite myself, but really thought I was just tired. I didn’t have a clue as to what was in store. By Monday, I felt like a big pile of dog doody. I left work early and stayed home Tuesday. Wednesday, I forced myself out of bed, still feeling like crap, and headed out to work. I felt a bit of obligation to go as I knew my officemates would have a delightful treat for my birthday celebration and they did. Finally, Thursday evening, I felt a bit of a break in the crud. By Saturday night, though, I was feeling pretty yucky again. Here it is, another week later, and I am still blowing my nose and I sound congested even though I feel much better in comparison to the last two weeks.

I hope this is the end of the Snot Factory. I know a number of folks have had the crud turn into bronchitis and I don’t need that. For the next 5-6 weeks, I am steering clear of everyone and becoming an extreme germaphobe. I wouldn’t want to ruin my next Great Vacation!

Higgledy-Piggledy, Take III

It sure seems like work is crazier than ever. And it also seems like I keep saying that over and over. But it is! And when I am done with work, I am just…done. I have exactly 100 unread emails in my personal inbox. I have 295 unread items in my Google Reader. And, now that I think of it, I may have even forgot to pay my bills. Oh $#@%! I guess I should go check that!

*****

Speaking of work, some crazy changes are about to take place within the next month. It’s going to be rough. I am trying to go forward with a good attitude and trust in my colleagues and my boss. I am praying that everything will work out just fine. Only time will tell. I really wish I could share more. Believe me, I do. The more I talk about something that is bothering me, usually, the better I feel. But I do not feel this is the appropriate place to discuss such matters. I will say, however, that my work schedule will change a smidge. This Night Owl will have to become much more of an early bird than ever before. Ever! (Well, except when I work in road construction, but that was a fairly mindless job.) That is a daunting concept for me, but I have to do it.

*****

In other news, people have been coming out of the woodwork on Facebook. I mean, holy bajeebers. In the last two weeks, I have had several people from high school befriend me. It’s weird. Most of them I haven’t spoken to since graduation (um, nearly thirteen years ago…omg!). A couple people I have seen, maybe, once or twice. To say the least, high school was my least favorite time in life. Hence the reason I have never sought anyone out. But, people grow up and change so it might be fun to reconnect.

*****

This past Friday, I had the pleasure of meeting up with a group of ladies from work for dinner and drinks. This, for me, was a giant step forward. Part of the town-left-behind excursion was to be able to make new friends and actually be able to hang out with them by being closer in proximity. We shared a few good laughs and great conversation. It was nice to finally be able to interact with a group of individuals who are intelligent, sophisticated, and share a number of the same interests. Now, don’t misunderstand. I have a number of individual friends (many who live far, far away though) who have all these same qualities. I have always been ok with one on one communication and relationships. When you add more to the mix, I get uncomfortable. Part of codependency includes difficulty in making friends and some severe distrust issues. Even with friends one on one, I still have some serious issues. So, I think, this was a big step forward for me.

*****

My nasty rash is also back. Or, never really went away. I was finally able to schedule another doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. It has taken me all week to schedule an appointment. Most of the time I forget to do it, then, when I remember, the office phone hours are over. Alas, I was finally able to make an appointment. Hopefully, my doctor will be able to determine what is really going on so it will go away for good!

*****

I have been pondering something very serious lately. Hehe. Very serious. Ahem, ok, it really isn’t a laughing matter. My Friend and I were having a discussion about forever. As in, being together forever type thing. A while back, a number of folks on Facebook answered a quiz to see how well they know me. One question asked, “What am I scared of?” One of the false answers was commitment. To my surprise, a number of people actually picked this for their answer and that bothered me a great deal. I never viewed myself as being afraid of commitment. I’ve always wanted a fully committed relationship. However, as My Friend and I discussed this forever thing, it came back to me. My counselor was always saying that I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And after my last decade of failed relationships, I am not sure I ever care to be married again. So, in essence, that makes me afraid of commitment, doesn’t it?

This brings me to another thought. I have always wondered how people know that they have met The One. You know, the one person that they know they are going to spend the rest of their entire life with. I have had many people say that you just know. Being the skeptic that I am, I fear I will never just know. So I wonder, for those of you out that that have met The One, how did you know? Because I am still waiting for the inevitable (in my mind) shoe to drop.

Tax Time

Photo courtesy Howdy, I'm H. Michael Karshis

It’s that time of year again. TAX TIME! Honestly, I don’t know why I get all excited about tax time. I really don’t get much of a refund from the Feds and what I do get usually goes to the State of Michigan. I guess it is the number crunching accountant in me that loves tax time. That is the only thing I really miss out on not being in public accounting – taxes! I love doing tax returns. Anymore, though, I’m not qualified. So I live vicariously through one of my BFFs and she would probably tell me that it’s no picnic.

Anyway, since I can’t do anyone else’s tax return, I am going to do my best to arm you with the ability to do it yourself. Do it yourself! You can! It isn’t hard, I promise! If your tax returns are fairly simple, meaning you had one or two jobs, you are single, you are married and each had one job, maybe a child, own a home or rent, possibly have a few charitable deductions, you can totally do you own taxes online. AND you might even qualify to do them for FREE. Let me repeat that…FOR FREE. Eff. Are. Eee. Eee!

First of all, check your state’s treasury website. Usually they list online tax programs and the requirements for each program to file for free. The State of Michigan lists programs that allow you to file just the State return for free, just the Federal return for free, and programs that allow you to file both for free. I have had to use two programs to be able to file each return for free, but, it is so worth it to save the ungodly amount of money that those tax places charge.

As a general rule, there are income limitations. And some programs are shotty. I have a tendency to try a few of them to see if I get similar results. Most programs allow you to input all of your information, see the result, and pay only when you actually submit the return to the IRS or the State. And, of course, if you don’t happen to qualify for a free program, there are a number of great programs to choose from and compare prices. Most of them are cheaper than paying big bucks to have someone else do them for you.

Without further ado, here are a few resources for you to check out. I hope you will give it a try and let me know how it turned out for you.

Free File State of Michigan

Low priced online tax preparation for State of Michigan and Federal

The IRS doesn’t have their choice of programs up yet, but they are telling you to check back January 15.

It's a New Year

Happy New Year everyone!  Wow! Can you believe that it's 2010 already?  Seems like just yesterday everyone was preparing for Y2K.  Well, here's to hoping that the new year brings new adventures and a lot of joy and happiness to all!

I cannot believe a full two weeks have passed and tomorrow I go back to work. It is going to be an adjustment.  It's amazing what two weeks can do to your sleep schedule, eating schedule...overall schedule.  I tried my best not to overdo the late nights (hello Night Owl) and I tried not to sleep in too much because I know the affect on my workweek schedule could be detrimental.  This first week back will tell how much damage has been done for sure.

So, I brought in the new year with a nasty rash.  First thing New Year's day, I was at the walk-in clinic waiting to see the doctor to tell me what in the world was on my skin.  Of course, no real determination can be made of what caused it since he claims it is an allergic reaction.  It could be a reaction to anything. We talked about soap, laundry soap, fabric softener, new clothes, etc.  It could be anything or any number of things.  He gave me a prescription for Allegra (Thanks, but I have Benadryl and Zyrtec at home. I could have saved myself a trip and the cost of the prescription.) and sent me on my way.  Meanwhile, two days later, I still look like this:







And I have more spots showing up on my back now. So...it's off to the Express Care this time.  Well see if a different doc gives a different verdict.  Until then...

One week down

I mentioned previously that I had two weeks off for the holiday season.  One full week plus down and less than a full week to go.  The past week has been hell. H. E. L. L.  And not only because of the aforementioned Christmas marathon, but because my brain went into overdrive and started coming up with stupid thoughts about the relationship I left behind nearly seven and a half months ago. 

I was perusing the interwebs out of boredom and happened upon a girl's facebook page that I know.  This particular girl dates a friend of the ex-boyfriend.  Instead of avoiding the page like the plague (I have done my best not to put myself in situations that would tempt me to seek out information about the ex), I clicked on over and was checking out her pictures.  Instead of finding pics of her and her boyfriend that I assumed would be there, I found a pic of the ex with his new girlfriend who just happens to be the girl's younger sister.  UGH!

I was so not prepared for this discovery.  An onslaught of emotions overtook me.  I was jealous. I was angry. I was hurt. I was desperate.  I tried reaching out to a friend for comfort, but friends have their own lives and thus was unavailable to be sucked into mine.  So here I was, home alone, left to deal with this on my own.  That has never been a good thing because, like I said, I became desperate.  I cried.  I cried all day.  I sobbed.  I sobbed some more. I cried myself to sleep.

This was the eve of Christmas Eve and so it was imperative that I be presentable the next day for the beginning of the Christmas marathon.  I tried to hold back my tears but, even at the suggestion that something might be wrong, I broke down for no apparent reason.  On Christmas Eve, I awoke with puffy eyes.  I used make-up to try to mask it and I did my best to shove my emotions aside and get through, but I still cried a couple of times.

I pushed on through the next few days even though with every moment of silence came thoughts of him.  I began to believe that I was missing him.   I would draft letters in my head of apologies. I wondered what would happen if I text him.  I thought about calling.  I came across a note he left right before I moved and we broke up.  It says, "If you get lonely or bored at your new place, just remember that I am thinking of you so you are not really alone. I love you always."  And another that said, "I miss you already".  I started wondering if he really was missing me.

This is the point where, in the past, I would act out of desperation and do some of those things. I would text him, I would call him, I would accidentally on purpose cross paths with him.  But this time, my head is control and I know I can't.

One of my best girlfriends had called me the day that I began having this breakdown and reminded me that it's ok to feel this way.  I want him to be happy in life, but I don't. I want him to find someone to make him happy, but I don't. I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him.  She reminded me that it's ok to feel this way and it will eventually fade in time.  Lots and lots of time.  She also reminded me that, in the twelve years that we dated (on and off again constantly), he had never changed.  He wasn't going to change. We don't even really believe that he's capable of changing.  His lifestyle and my lifestyle did not mesh. At all.  He is super social, he likes to sit around with the guys daily and drink beer and tell the same stories fifty times over, he is ok with and wants someone to live at home with his parents with him, he is carefree and lives spontaneously.  I CANNOT do any of that.  I am not social. I hate sitting around and making small talk and telling stories.  I am very independent and I like to make plans and keep them and be able to depend on my partner for that too.  And it isn't fair for either of us to ask the other to change the way they are for the other person.


I have to keep telling myself that I did this for him too.  I know he couldn't have been happy either.  He was comfortable and content having me in his life, but he couldn't have been truly happy. We hardly spent any time together (which could have been fine with him as he liked to be with the boys).  I hate his hobbies, he hated mine.  I told him that he needed to find someone who actually enjoyed doing the things that he liked to do because I didn't.  And even when I tried to show interest in the things he enjoyed, he still wouldn't include me.  I tried every which way I could think of.


Suffice it to say, for the first time ever, my brain is winning over my emotions.  And I'm sure all of my family and friends who have encouraged me to make the break and repeatedly told me, as patiently and kindly as they could, that this relationship wasn't the right thing for me and I deserved so much more in life, will be happy to hear that.  Though I am still troubled with thoughts and holding back tears now and then, I know that I need to stay on the path that I am on.


I wonder how it is that I can be so distraught over this right now and yet my life is so calm and peaceful right now.  That is something I have been striving for.  Maybe it is old tendencies taking over.  As an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA) or a co-dependent, I have a tendency to recreate the chaos of the life I knew growing up.  Is it possible that I am inadvertently creating this emotional turmoil in my life because my life is so calm?


All I can figure right now, is that I want to push through the rest of this week so I don't have time to just sit around and think.  Getting back to work will give me something to focus on.  I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of being sad and worrying about other people and if what I have done to them is somehow detrimental to their emotional well-being.  I am ready to keep moving forward.